But I have come to realize that there is one very important place to say YES, and that is to help.
Whether you have two kids, seven kids, or no kids, we all need people to come alongside us from time to time and help us walk a stretch of this road of life.
I had an epiphany recently in which I realized that because I have four (soon to be five) children fairly close in age, that this disqualifies me from asking for/accepting help. I was telling myself that I have chosen my circumstances, and that I need to be able to do it all by myself...that if I am letting others help me, that must mean that I am incapable of handling my own life or my own family or my own house. I was afraid that others would think I shouldn't have had so many kids, or have made the decisions we have made.
But - hear me now in a whispering voice - I think I was wrong.
Yes, we have most certainly chosen our circumstances and our number of children. And guess what? We can do it! We can pay our bills. We can feed all of our kiddos. We can tuck them all into bed at night. And most days of most weeks, I can take care of them by myself. But that is not the goal, right? Life is not about proving how much we can do by ourselves. Life is meant to be lived out in community. Together. With others. As a village. And if we never let anyone into our lives to help, we deny ourselves (and others!) the blessing of doing life together. Have you ever noticed that washing dishes at someone elses's house was way more fun than washing your own? Or how bringing someone dinner after surgery or a new baby brings YOU so much delight? There is a reason, friends! We are blessed by doing life with others, by stepping into others' lives and walking with them.
Because I have had a rough few months of pregnancy, this whole concept of letting others help me has stared me right in the face lately. Two of my besties brought me dinner, just because, and my mom sent me home from a family dinner with a pan of lasagna. We received generous gifts of pizza gift cards so I wouldn't have to open my fridge and think about cooking, and a dear friend from church even insisted on taking home my dirty laundry one day. Another dear friend from church came over to take my girls out for a couple of hours so I could focus on schooling with my boys, and then she showed back up at my house with bags of fresh groceries from a local farm. Whaaaat??? I know, so overwhelming.
THEN, in one week, we had some of our favorite people insist on giving me money to buy a maternity coat for the winter because they knew I was busting out of my regular coat. Then a few days later, we came home from a difficult family funeral to find our bathroom freshly painted (a task that has embarrassingly been on our to-do list for years). And realized that our dear friends from church had snuck over and fixed a rotting post on our front porch that we had no clue whatsoever how to fix. That week was hugely humbling.
And this week, I got sick again. Discouraging, for sure. But I cautiously texted my mom to see if she had time to come over after work to help me. Definitely a stretch for me. But, guess what? SHE said yes. My mom came over yesterday to help me put clean sheets on the bed, fold loads and loads of clean laundry with me, and chop our broccoli for dinner. When talking to my girlfriend yesterday about how I'd been sick and now staring at some opened and overflowing boxes of Christmas dishes and decorations I hadn't been able to tackle and finish, she said, "Why don't we have book study tomorrow night at YOUR house? We can do it together! It'd be so fun!" And, honestly, my first instinct is to say, "No, that's okay, I can do it." Because I still care about what people think about me. And I still want everyone to see my house as put together and organized. And I still want others to think that I can handle it all. But you guys...I was so proud...I said (after a few stalling comments) OKAY. I will let you guys do that. Because if one of my girlies was pregnant and sick, I would LOVE to go help unpack her Christmas dishes with her. This is real life!!! And life is so much better lived together.
This season of sickness and all has humbled me in so many ways. And I have had to graciously accept the help of so many people in my life. Big things and small things. And I know I am not even typing it all out. But, you guys, I have been so blessed. I have been overwhelmed by the love and the support and the care of our family and our friends. And I don't think one of them was thinking, "Oh, geeze, she really shouldn't have gotten pregnant again." I think they are supporting us in the things that God has called us to, in the children that God has chosen to bless our lives with, and they have decided to walk alongside us in our journey. Oh my word. It has been the biggest lesson EVER. I have had to say YES so many times, and I have realized that I have got to keep saying yes when others offer to come alongside. Because if I don't, I will be missing out on some of the greatest blessings of life....doing it together.
Is there someone offering to help you today? Is there something you could even boldly ask for help with? I promise...you will be blessed. And this person offering or saying yes to helping you...I am pretty sure they will be blessed, too.
Let's do life together.
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