The Un-doneness of Life

There are dishes in my sink, toys on the floor, crumbs on the table, and laundry waiting to be put away...and yet I sit here at my computer to write while a happy baby kicks around on the couch next to me.

So many things on my mind lately about the life I want to live and the kind of mama I want to be...balance, peace, priorities, perspective...

I have decided that I need to find peace with the "un-doneness" of life.

All of my life, I have struggled with perfectionism...wanting to do everything right, wanting to be perfect in all things.  Well, clearly, this is not a reality, and, in my adult life, I have (mostly) come to terms with this and have worked hard to give myself grace for the areas in which I fall short.

As a mom, this pull towards perfectionism has reared its ugly head more than once.  I have, since day one of my first baby's life, created a giant, mental list of what I think it takes to be an amazing mama.  And although I know that it is physically impossible to do all that I want to do, I have still struggled to be okay with that and to actually let things go.  I want to have meals made from scratch, maintain a clean, organized home, have obedient, happy children, give creative, homemade gifts, bake fresh goodies, read many books on many topics, be an active part of our local church, see my family regularly, have special record-keeping books for my children, have updated photographs in frames, get together with friends and neighbors, travel to see family...and the list goes on and on and on.  I sometimes feel the weight of all that I want to do and all that is left undone.

Before I had my fourth baby, I felt like I was pretty on top of things...my hubby and I set lots of time aside to do house projects and organizing in preparation for a new person entering our already-cozy home.  But two months into having four children, I am learning that more often than not, I am getting to the end of the day wondering what I got done...and I am also starting to learn to embrace this as my new "normal."  My days are full and busy of dishes and diapers and laundry and meals...feedings and naps and phone calls and preschool.  So my "to-do" list in life has gone undone day after day after day lately...

Recently, I had this epiphany moment that this is probably going to be the case for years to come and that I better learn to come to peace with the un-doneness that is my new normal.  There are pictures waiting to go into frames, paperwork stacked for sifting through, ceilings that need painting, flower beds that need weeding, baby books that need updating, clothes that need sorting, boxes that need emptying.  But our days are so full with the day-to-day of living that the "extras" often have to wait.  This is not an easy thing for me...In my ideal world, I would be on top of life and my tasks every. single. day.  But is this even a reality?  The answer is a resounding NO.

So while my list goes unfinished and my projects go undone, I am striving for peace with my new normal.  I am committing to embrace the precious moments I have eating lunch with my children, smiling at my newborn as I change her diaper, counting to ten with my daughter as we put her shoes on, memorizing Scripture with my son as I drive him to school, and having dance parties to our favorite worship songs in the middle of the kitchen.

The dishes?
They always seem to get done.
The laundry?
It always will be there.
The projects?
They can wait.
My children?
They are growing quickly, developing into their beautiful selves more each day.
And I do NOT want to miss it running around stressed that I am not accomplishing all I want to.
I will embrace the un-done projects and the imperfect, messy, joyful life that is mine.
My floor will be sticky and I won't care.
My frames will be outdated, but, oh well.
My pantry will be disorganized, but we are well-fed.
The paperwork stack will grow, but we'll get around to it.
I want to end each day knowing that I loved well, chose gratitude, and lived with peace.
I want to seek what God has for me in each day, listening for His promptings and leadings of how to use my time and energy.
And I want to rejoice always because life...is...good.
Will you join me in choosing peace in the un-doneness of life?
It's bound to be a thrilling ride.